Chapter 5: The Fear Monster
Back in my room, I went straight to the shelf and pulled out a puzzle. Balloons over Albuquerque. The blade was the tip of a talon. Balloons over Albuquerque. My favorite. Where was my favorite puzzle? The talon was part of a giant claw. I needed to show George that I was ready for school, ready for school, ready for school. The talon slashed through my stomach. I started shaking and closed my eyes. A big mistake. The talon and claw were attached to a monster with a set of crocked green teeth, nasty orange eyes and leathery wings. It ripped its razor claws through my belly into my heart.
I am ready for school, I cannot let the fear monster take over, I need school. I opened my eyes and found the puzzle box. The fear monster unlocked its jaws and laughed at me.
I stared at the balloons on the box lid and clenched my fists. I had no time for the fear monster. I needed a coup to win George over. Giving him the answer to the fence riddle was my chance to get what I needed. The fear monster receded a few inches and snarled.
I relaxed my hands and looked the monster in the eye. You’re not real! I’m real! Squares are real. Circles are real. I have a task to complete.I finished the edges of the puzzle. There hadto be a way. For a square, one number was enough to determine all others. Why was that not enough with a circle? The fear monster hissed and raised his talons.
A soft knock on my door.
Louise looked at the puzzle.
“Do you want me to read you a story?”
She sometimes sent monsters on their way but there was no time for her help. I needed a solution so that George would send me to school. I shook my head.
“Are you sure?” Louise looked worried.
I nodded, wavering in my resolve, when the fear monster charged again and ripped its talons through my throat. But Louise had left.
I knew the round fence was shorter than the square but how much shorter?
The puzzle was half finished. I had done it so many times I could do it in my sleep and it never lost its soothing effect. The fear monster seemed irritated that it didn’t have all my fear and attention.
I recapitulated. So far, I had used my intuition when I explored the squares on the carpet in the study. No one in the Warner mansion could be bothered to teach me anything useful. They were always making a fuss about my mental health without understanding how they were the ones making it difficult for me to maintain it. Louise was the exception, of course, but she also didn’t fully understand my need for brain food. The fear monster was getting bored with me.
I had assembled all formulae in my untrained brain and they only loosely resembled the formal equations I would learn later. It had been easy because, with squares, everything could be deducted from observing. Apparently, observing failed me in finding a formula for a circle. The puzzle was finished.
The fear monster hissed feebly and disappeared. I took a deep breath and disassembled the puzzle and put all the pieces back into their box.
With the lid in my hand, it struck me. What if the measurements of a circle could be observed, too? I took the puzzle box lid, put my lamp on it and drew along the edge with my pencil. I got my ruler and tried measuring the marked line. It was like catching an eel! Yet I was on to something. I took a string and put it around the lamp. I cut the string and measured it. Then, I drew a line through the middle of my cardboard circle, and measured the length. Now I had my two useful numbers: the diameter and the circumference, although, of course, I did not know their formal names.
I rested for a moment and pondered my next step. I played around with my two numbers, but nothing seemed right. Had I reached a dead end? I heard a faint growl from the fear monster and ignored it. Did I not know everything about squares? Could they help me?
I drew a square in my circle and one around it.
I tried measuring the different parts. They were too slippery. Round parts could not be measured, only estimated. That was the ugly truth. An estimate would have to do for the moment. It would have to be a very good one, though. Toying around with the ruler wouldn’t be good enough. I stared at the puzzle pieces in the open box and had an idea. I went to get my scissors, recolored and then cut the parts.
I had shaved off the round edges but they would have to live with it for the time being. I arranged the parts in a rectangle.
A knock on my door. Louise was back.
“Was machst Du da, Nick?”
“Circles.”
Louise looked through my drawings.
“Bist Du nicht müde?”
“No, I’m not tired.”
“You did it? You found a way to calculate a circle?”
“I have a pretty good estimate using squares in and around circles.”
“Squares? Nick, they are called rectangles.”
“I call them squares.”
“That will make things only harder for you, Nicky.”
I hated it when she called me Nicky. I stared on the floor. She let it go.
“Will you tell us tomorrow?”
The look on her face told me Louise was not saying all she knew.
“There is a simpler way, right?”
“Yes.”
“But my way is not wrong?”
“It looks fine to me.“
“Fine is not enough.“
“I’m sure it’s good enough.“
Louise left for the second time. Good enough for Louise wasn’t good enough for George. I went through my room and measured all round objects in my room and calculated the squares…rectangles in and around them. It wasn’t until my bones hurt from exhaustion that I found what I was looking for: a steady ration between the circles and the … rectangles. It was a cumbersome and time-consuming way to get the number I needed but it was not estimating.
I fell asleep on my drawings. The fear monster left me in peace.
copyright: Ines Strohschein